"Recently, that same great nation admitted its newest state into the union: Bitmint. I know that there has been a lot of skepticism and speculation concerning this new state, especially from residents of New York, Connecticut, and Massachusetts, but I can assure you that Bitmint will soon find its place among the other great fifty states.
"People out there are saying that Bitmint doesn't deserve to be a state. They say it is smaller than Rhode Island. It is. They say the population is smaller than that of Wyoming. That's true. They say that Bitmint has no basis for a state economy. And I ask, what about the Manatee Rescue Farms? Hmm?
"Ever since interim Bitmint Governor Quincy solicited state insignia suggestions from an out-of-work artist in Brooklyn, it's been clear that Bitmint, Land of Manatees, can find its footing operating the single largest manatee preservation in history. I've been working hard with Governor Quincy, fellow Senator Julie Watson -- my wife -- and the people of Bitmint, all ninety-three of them, to find and gather all the manatees and twenty-by-twenty foot above-ground swimming pools we can get our hands on. It's the Bitmint way.
"What we need is your help. No state got itself going without the help of the other states. When Georgia said, 'Hey, buy our peaches,' you bought them, right? When South Dakota said, 'We're gonna chisel this mountain until it looks like four presidents,' you all got their backs. And so today, I ask you all to put our differences aside, and help put Little Bitty on the map. Help us bring in those manatees. Thank you. God bless America."
