Too Much Time

Too much time to wash my socks.

Too much time to pick my locks.

Too much time to chop a tree.

Too much time to sip some tea.

Too much time to swat a fly.

Too much time to hit some guy.

Too much time to set up camp near an active volcano along the Pacific Rim, packing the essentials: a tent, pots, pans, canned food, trail mix, sleeping bags, weather-resistant jackets, hiking boots, lava repellent, Swiss Army knife, and gloves.

Too much time to phone ex-loves.

Not enough time to visit every star and planet that I can see from Earth.  Most of those places are impossible to visit anyway.

Too much time to draw a ghost.

Too much time to make a toast.

In The End, It Was All Worth It

   If I had told you that letting the crocodiles loose in the schoolyard was a great way to meet women, you would have laughed at me.

   If I had told you the fastest way to a girl's heart was through a business card buried at the bottom of her purse, you would have scoffed at me.

   If I had told you a great spot for a first date was in a cactus patch a few miles south of Elko, Nevada, you would have rolled your eyes at me.

   If I had told you that a hand full of mayonnaise can get anybody in the mood for a good make-out session, you would have shown me the door.

   If I had told you that swallowing a roll of quarters reserved for doing laundry was step one towards two people moving in together, you would have cocked your eyebrow at me.

   If I had told you that a carpet stained with the blood of an ex-convict-turned-genealogist would segue into a marriage proposal, you would have contemplated disregarding things I say for a while.

   If I had told you that three separate children would be conceived in the very same space shuttle that monitored the effects of gravity upon black bean dip and tuna casserole, you would have stared deeply into my eyes, seriously concerned for the state of my mental health.

  

  But look at you now.  You're smiling at me because you can't ignore the facts.  I smile back at you because stranger things have happened.

!!!

It feels like a new day!  

It feels like twenty-four hours have passed since twenty-four hours ago!

I can't eat enough oranges to prove how excited I am!

My mouth has never felt so big!

Only an epic disaster can bring me down!

Oh, no!  An epic disaster is approaching!

Shit!

Go away!

Stop being so epic!

Stop being a disaster!

Why don't epic disasters listen to me?!

I'm not going to feel good anymore!

Inevitability!