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I paddled as hard as I could; helplessly, ceaselessly.  It wasn't so easy with that arrow stuck in my shoulder, but it's not every day that fate hands you a getaway canoe.  

Review: "Little Buddha" (1993) dir. Bernardo Bertolucci

I've never before attempted to write a movie review, but for some reason, I can't stop thinking about "Little Buddha".  

I watched it last week with a group of guys, and I was the only one who stayed awake for the whole thing.  Afterwards, the friend who rented the movie commented "I just remember this movie being more grand."  Certainly, the idea lends itself the ability to be grand or epic: the story of how Buddha (formerly known as Siddhartha) became BUDDHA.  But like any story originating out of religious folklore, this one also has its share of plot holes, unexplained motives and "Why didn't he just do this..?" moments.

Perhaps this is why Bertolucci (who conceived the story), decided to add another half to the movie in the form of a tale of a group of modern-day Buddhist monks who travel to Seattle in search of his dead Buddhist teacher, Lama Dorje, who they believe may have been reincarnated in the form of Jesse (Alex Weisendanger), the American nine-year-old son of Lisa (Bridget Fonda) and Dean (Chris Isaak). (Lama Norbu, the George Costanza-like leader of this outfit, says more than once about the late Lama Dorje: "He had a great sense of humor.")

This part of the story is also full of holes and a stunning lack of conflict.  Lisa seems none too shocked or concerned when she is first approached by the Buddhists.  When the monks invite the family to return with them to Bhutan, she treats it as a wonderful opportunity.  She lets them into her home as if these people were scouting for future Harvard applicants.  I mean, if you found out your son was the reincarnation of a great Buddhist teacher, you'd make him list that on his college applications, too.  

Dean on the other hand (sort of), starts out only slightly skeptical and weirded out.  It's not until a character we never meet, named Evan, dies.  Dean, not the audience, is deeply affected by the (sudden?) death of (his good friend?) Evan, and upon returning from Evan's funeral, he has a change of heart and decides that it would be great for Jesse to go to Bhutan after all.  This leads to what was supposed to be an emotional scene between Dean and Lisa.  All of a sudden, Lisa's slightly reconsidered.  She can't go to Bhutan, because she's still taking some classes.  So Dean and Jesse are going to have fun in Bhutan without me?  Oh, no!  This may sound like I'm talking about plot, but here's the reason I bring it up: Throughout the rest of the movie, there appeared to be no reason why Lisa couldn't have went to Bhutan.  She didn't have to stay in Seattle to turn a special key at the right moment, or light a ceremonial Buddhist candle, or make sure the plants got watered (they have a very subservient housekeeper who can do that).  Maybe Bridget Fonda didn't want to make the trip to film in Bhutan.  Maybe she was busy.  Those are the only reasons I can think of.

The last thing that upset me a lot was that when Jesse and Dean finally get to Bhutan, it is revealed, discreetly, that there are two other children who may or may not be the reincarnation of Lama Dorje.  So then, it becomes a three-way battle for who's going to get the perks of being the reincarnated Lama between Jesse, and two locals, Raju and Gita.  We're led to believe that only one child can be Lama Dorje, but then after a big ceremony, we find out that everybody wins!  Yay!  All three are different parts of Lama Dorje!  I believe it was Dean who asked Lama Norbu, "Has this ever happened before?"  To which Lama Norbu replied, "Well, it's happened before, but it is rare."  If only Lama Norbu had let everyone know about that sooner, then I wouldn't have felt cheated by the cop out ending.

Other things I didn't like:

-All scenes shot in Seattle were shot with a blue-tinted gel.  After living here for a couple of months, I can tell you, the gel is unnecessary.

-Isn't Keanu Reeves a bit too skinny to play Buddha?  Doesn't he also suck too much?

-Jesse asks too many questions.  I know he's just a dumb kid, but almost everything he says is a question.  I'm pretty sure Dean and Lisa know as little about Buddhism as Jesse does.  Where's their desire to learn?

-Just a thought: why couldn't Jesse be more of an up-to-no-good problem child?  Wouldn't that have made the movie a little more interesting?  Eh?  When we meet Gita, she turns out to be a petulant well-off girl, and she still gets to be 1/3 the Lama.  Where are Jesse's character flaws?  Make him mischievous, make him diabetic, make him something!  Something that isn't boring.

-Who the hell is Evan?  Why should I care about him?  Why should Dean care about him?  Their relationship is never established.

-Gosh, Lisa and Dean's housekeeper is so subservient...

-I would go into more detail about the Siddhartha-to-Buddha part of the movie which was grandiose and cinematic and often interesting enough to watch, but there aren't many reasons why both of these stories are in the same movie.

-Bertolucci, who directed "Last Tango in Paris", missed out on some great opportunities in "Little Buddha" to incorporate butter into a scene or two.  Just saying.

Body & Mind

  "I can feel some very strong colors coming from you.  I see a lot of greens, and yellows, and blues.  There's a bit of orange, which makes me worry that you might have cancer, or maybe someone in your family has cancer?  But you are strong, and whatever is releasing this 'orange-ness' won't envelope your spirit.

  "This is an old, traditional technique, spiritually...it comes from Japan.  The Japanese word translated, literally, means 'spiritual atmosphere'.  So that's what we're dealing with here.  The body wants to heal itself.  When you cut your finger on a piece of paper, what do you do?  Well, you wash your hands, and seal the wound, and in a day or two -- poof!  Your blood began to clot, and your body is taking care of itself.  And that happens all the time, the body is correcting things for you.  You just don't always get the chance to see it because it's happening inside your body.  Or inside your soul.

  "I'm no master at this yet, but I have been studying hard.  I feel confident enough to know what to do with my hands.  You're not the first person I've done this with.  I have gone through a period of fasting and seclusion and meditation, and since then, my mind has been more attuned to the auras of other people, and my eyes have really opened up to the possibilities of what I can do -- or, I should rather say, my mind has opened up.  There's really nothing I value more than my ability to achieve this sort of enlightenment.  It's very...freeing."

  Marvin continued to talk as he gently, but firmly, sifted through Bernadette's long brown hair with his grubby fingers; the same grubby fingers that wouldn't wash his own dirty dreadlocks.  Poor Bernadette was too open-minded to reject Marvin's sexual-advances-disguised-as-spiritual-healing-methods.  I wanted to interrupt.  I thought of requesting Marvin to put his gross fingers through my hair, just to save her.  But I didn't.

  "I'll bet you find that some things are very restrictive, or you're being held back by outside forces.  But if you clear your mind of Earthly worries, while still remaining humble to your environment, the whole...you can really...you'll find yourself unable to be held back.  If you'd like to meet up some time and talk about it in more detail...I know a great deal now, but there's so much more to learn, and I can teach you what I've learned so far."

   The image of Marvin attempting to seduce Bernadette in this manner had left me disgusted.  My only consolation was that I knew Bernadette was too smart to 'meet up' with him at a later time.  She would not be the only one.  

  Eventually Marvin would seduce a stupid girl using this method.  They would fall in love, and deserve each other.