In The End, It Was All Worth It

   If I had told you that letting the crocodiles loose in the schoolyard was a great way to meet women, you would have laughed at me.

   If I had told you the fastest way to a girl's heart was through a business card buried at the bottom of her purse, you would have scoffed at me.

   If I had told you a great spot for a first date was in a cactus patch a few miles south of Elko, Nevada, you would have rolled your eyes at me.

   If I had told you that a hand full of mayonnaise can get anybody in the mood for a good make-out session, you would have shown me the door.

   If I had told you that swallowing a roll of quarters reserved for doing laundry was step one towards two people moving in together, you would have cocked your eyebrow at me.

   If I had told you that a carpet stained with the blood of an ex-convict-turned-genealogist would segue into a marriage proposal, you would have contemplated disregarding things I say for a while.

   If I had told you that three separate children would be conceived in the very same space shuttle that monitored the effects of gravity upon black bean dip and tuna casserole, you would have stared deeply into my eyes, seriously concerned for the state of my mental health.

  

  But look at you now.  You're smiling at me because you can't ignore the facts.  I smile back at you because stranger things have happened.