She Gave Me The Eye

She gave me the eye.  

I walked down Alexander Street to give a lecture on Women and Popular Music in Mongolia at the local brewhouse.  No one wanted to listen to me, but that was my fault, for I knew nothing about popular music in Mongolia.  Had I known what I was talking about, I'm sure the three guys watching the Sabres game at the end of the bar would have been absolutely riveted. 

In the opposite corner, eating a grilled cheese sandwich, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen that day.  Her hair blonde and thin, her posture formal and upright, her nose small and pointy.

She gave me the eye.

She watched me as I fiddled nervously with my index cards.  They were out of order.  If the overhead fan wasn't there to cool me off, I would've been a sweaty, sweaty man.  Usually, I don't give lectures.  What was I thinking?  But she was giving me the eye.  Why was she sitting alone in a bar at five thirty in the afternoon?  I was too intrigued not to try sleeping with her.

I began shifting the focus of my lecture.  I dropped the Mongolia jargon, and continued only about the women parts.  My oratory grew stronger as my confidence in my own knowledge of the subject became more apparent.  

"How much longer are you gonna be?" the bartender asked.  

"Until I'm finished, thank you!" I answered, rolling my eyes.

Stupid bartender.  I was on a roll.  I continued as best I could.  The woman was giggling.

She gave me the eye.

I wrapped up my lecture.  It wasn't very good anyway.  Besides, Miss-Grilled-Cheese-Sandwich-For-Dinner was down to her crusts.  I put down my index cards, and walked over to her.

"May I have this seat?" I asked, knowing full well she was going to let me sit there.

"No," she replied, dashing my dreams.

"But you've been giving me the eye this whole time."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you do.  Come on."

"No."

"Come on."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"..."

"No."

"..."

"..."

"Did you at least like my lecture?"

"It was okay, I guess.  I wasn't really paying attention."

"You were looking right at me.  You were giving me the eye."

"No, I wasn't.

"Come on."

"No."

***

Epilogue: 

I quit the lecture circuit after that day.  I later got hired as the president of Syracuse University.  After all this time, I'm still pretty sure that woman gave me the eye.