Brief Opinions On Various Subjects

1. WHALES: I never saw a whale. I know they're really big, but I've never seen one, and I'd probably freak out if I had.

2. ALGEBRA: Fuck algebra. I mean, it's no geometry. Geometry is the branch of mathematics for the brave. Algebra is for losers and single women.

3. CHESS: Bishops don't move diagonally in real life. Why do they move that way in Chess? Although, I once knew a rabbi who could only walk sideways after a motor accident permanently twisted his ankles. We called him "The Crab".

4. PENNIES: Useless.

5. HATS: Some people look good in hats. I'm not one of those people. I hate them (the hats, not the people).

6. DINNER: Dinner is fantastic. It's particularly good for people who like lunch, but wish they could eat it when the moon is out.

7. BUDDHISM: I didn't know Santa Claus had his own sect.

8. GENOCIDE: Never on a first date.

9. THE NUMBER 10: Overrated.

11. BARNACLES: "I hate a barnacle as no man ever did before." -Charles Darwin. Indeed, old friend. Tis one of mine bugbears, as well.