Taking Notes From The Marble Man

  "I think it crawled under the stove."

   I dropped down to the floor and lay on my stomach, pointing a flashlight at the spot where the small mouse might have ended up.  Olivia continued to eat her cheese sandwich.

  "Don't bother," she resumed.  "Once it's out of your sight, you have to wait until the next time you see it to see it.  He's hiding.  He's afraid of you.  He probably hates flashlights, too."

   I gave up.  Olivia had too many opinions on the matter, so I went back into my office and got back to work on my biography of Robert E. Lee.  I imagined the illustrious Confederate general, and how he might have dealt with a mouse problem.  I imagine he'd have invaded strategic points around the stove, stationing mouse traps in the nook between the stove and the cabinet, gain ground, make advances.  Lee wouldn't use a flashlight.

  General William T. Sherman, however, would probably light the entire kitchen on fire.  Olivia would disapprove.

  Lee, of course, chose the losing side.  He had his chance in 1861 when President Abraham Lincoln offered Lee the job of taking charge of the Union Army, but Lee's home state of Virginia was soon to be seceded into the Confederacy.  Lee declined.  It went something like this:

  Lincoln: "Robert E. Lee, how would you like to be in command of the Union Army?"

  Lee: "The whole Union Army?  Well, uh, the thing is Mr. President...I'm from Virginia."

  Lincoln:  "Oh, I see."

  Lee: "..."

  Lincoln: "..."

  Lee was born in Virginia's Westmoreland County, right near the Maryland border.  If Lee were born just a few miles north, he would've been willing and able to add his military leadership skills to the Union, and the Civil War might not have lasted as long.

  General Sherman of Lancaster, Ohio, on the other hand, got a lot of credit for helping to end the war with his strategic tactics, such as burning down the city of Atlanta.  Sherman's "Atlanta Campaign" could be to the Civil War what the Hiroshima/Nagasaki bombings were to World War II.  Luckily for everyone, trigger-happy, fire-loving General Sherman had no access to nuclear weapons.

  Lee, I believe, was thoughtful and empathetic toward others (even for a slave-owning, Confederate leader, his stance on slavery was pretty wishy-washy).  I decided to catch that mouse, humane, Lee-style.

  When I walked into the kitchen, I found the mouse lying motionless in the middle of the floor.  Olivia stood next to it, holding her sandwich in one hand and a frying pan in the other.  She looked at me, smiling, and said, "I think I killed it."