Rock/Paper/Scissors (Great Neck Rules '94)

In middle school, I made the age-old fist game, "Rock/Paper/Scissors", a little more interesting.  Bored with the standard vanilla-chocolate-strawberry-type options, I decided to add some new flavor to the game by adding some exciting new moves.  These moves were: Match, Lawnmower, Atomic Bomb, Worm, and Petrified Whale Turd.

Below are the defining characteristics of each move, their hand representation (in parentheses), what other moves they beat, gaming theory, etc.

ROCK (fist).  Beats: Scissors, Match, Lawnmower, Worm, Petrified Whale Turd

"Good old rock," says Bart Simpson.  Even with the news rules, Rock is still a safe bet, beating five out of seven possible opponents.  Watch out for the cunning Paper, and people who use Atomic Bomb all the time. 

SCISSORS (index and middle finger out).  Beats: Paper, Match, Worm, Lawnmower

A good move for those who like taking risks, but not big ones.

PAPER (a flat hand).  Beats: Rock, Worm, Petrified Whale Turd

It would appear that a move like Paper is at a disadvantage with these new rules, but consider this:  During the countdown (One! Two! Three! Shoot!), a player's hand is already in a fist.  If the player isn't already planning a strategy in those three seconds, s/he will most likely succumb to the natural instinct to throw out Rock.  On top of that, many a great player will want to throw out Rock anyway, thanks to Rock's winning odds.  Think of Paper as a dark horse.

MATCH (an erect "excuse me" index finger).  Beats: Paper, Worm

Much of the thrill behind Match is pretending that you're lighting something on fire (i.e. paper, a worm).  Other than that, this move is usually a dud.

LAWNMOWER (two fists together, pushing a "lawnmower"). Beats: Paper, Match, Worm

Better than Match.  Whoop-dee-doo.

ATOMIC BOMB (flat hand, fingers spread out). Beats: Rock, Paper, Scissors, Match, Lawnmower, Petrified Whale Turd

That's right, it beats everything except Worm.  Little known fact: In the event of a nuclear holocaust, worms will survive*.  Such is true for R/P/S.  While Atomic Bomb appears to be a fantastic move, players beware:  Using it too often instantly turns a player into an asshole.  It is recommended to avoid playing any sorts of games with Atomic Bomb fetishists.  Also worth noting: When both players play Atomic Bomb, it is not a draw; everyone loses.

WORM (curled index finger; like a pirate's hook, only softer).  Beats: Atomic Bomb

Strike when the irony's hot.  This move doesn't normally win, but it's a great defense against major-league assholes.

PETRIFIED WHALE TURD (all five stretched-out fingers, touching at the tips).  Beats: Scissors, Match, Lawnmower, Worm

Petrified Whale Turd is really just a poor man's Rock.  But in this economy, that might be all you can afford.

Wow.  I can't believe I wrote out the whole thing.  Enjoy!

*This may or may not actually be true.