More Opening Lines to Earth-Shattering Works of Unwritten Fiction

Imagine an airplane shaped like a hot dog.  

The best advice I ever got was to stay away from the Colonel's wife.

Ten forks in the hands of the world's strongest men couldn't lift this meatball.

Training to become a prize-fighter in San Francisco is a lot like taming a lion commissioned to guard the post office.

"Evelyn, we're once again out of walnuts."

Too often, I've missed out on the gifts the traveling circus show has to offer -- a problem which I place blame upon my unique allergy to pretzels.

I jumped out of the bathroom window at the precise moment Roger failed to notice his wife's infidelity.

Claim, like a slug, your right to ooze across the garden path.

A fractured clavicle might have proved a major setback for most mathematicians-come-acrobats, but Wanda Brown has never been one to back down from a challenge.

Sometimes I get tired of one-upping everybody.

Opening Lines to Earth-Shattering Works of Unwritten Fiction

Ethan left his goat to pursue his dream.

Though the rabbi had been pressed, he came home that evening without any new linens.

"Break out the cigars," said the captain.  "We've got ourselves a storm to confront!"

The flower wilted after prolonged periods of shouting and naysaying.

How do you break the news to a newly-wed couple about what was taken from their home while they were on their honeymoon?

Celia's cancer was no match for her AIDS.

My mother made many magenta mittens, making Millie Morton's mopishly marauding meerkat moan momentously.  Maybe.

Once the life of the party, Alice's exuberance faded after the surgery.

"Be you in a candied house ere mine eyes doth deceive me," Ralph bellowed.

The rocks were high, but the tea was steaming and no one could piece together the events of the past few days.

I was embarrassed to learn that Eleanor's cake was too small to fit ninety-seven candles.

The twins were kicking each other again.

Though it's been hard modeling my life after that of a famous Greek aristocrat, I have found solace in the light of a newly opened bottle of champagne.

In retrospect, perhaps we should have foreseen that Dad's first clarinet lesson would also be his last.